I mean, I don’t think it is. But then again…
When I was ill, we were very conscious that if we weren’t careful I might drag others down into the hollow with me. Particularly my wife. She had her job, the family, me, so much pressure, so much stress. I think if she wasn’t as tough and straight as she is, it might have got to her. She took sensible precautionary steps: talking, talking, talking, to friends, her mum, my mum, even a counsellor. She was a good nurse, but refused to climb down in there with me. She maintained the broad contours of her life. She admits now it was a relief to leave the house and close the front door on the misery behind her.
But now I’m wondering about more subliminal reactions in my children. At the time, one had quite bad abdominal pains for several months. Growing pains said the doctor, but I wondered – anxiety? Another had problems sleeping. The insomnia seemed to come and go, broadly in line with my own fluctuating wretchedness.
Is it possible that people, children, can pick up on stress, anxiety, depression in adults and develop sympathetic symptoms? Would love to hear from clinicians on this.
Hi Mark
Of course children pick up on stress – any Mum of a newborn can verify that. It is less noticeable when the stress comes from Dad unless violence of some kind – yelling/hitting/throwing things – is involved. My daughter used to get “monthly” headaches in her tummy which ALWAYS coincided with my cycles and sore tummy. A panadol for me, a pot of tea and playing ladies fixed it.
There is nothing we can do to protect them from our issues short of leaving when they come up and that creates a whole new set of problems for them. Best we can do is prepare them and explain when times are good or going up again so that when they/you notice the downswing, they can be involved in the healing.
Funnily enough, this principle of preparing them doesn’t stop when they grow up and leave home.
Your beautiful children have a myriad of learning opportunities connected to your health which can make them better people now and as adults.
One thing to remember is this: however you feel at any given time, you are still the best DAD they will ever have.
Love you, cousin.